Thursday, 6 September 2012

Really?! That's what you say to me?!!!!

You know when you're working your ass off trying to do everything for everyone, and trying to keep everyone happy? You use all of YOUR spare time to work on your business, you have NO down time, unless you count the few hours you use to sleep.

An example of my days right now:
6-6:30 am - up for the day after being up several times with the baby in the night (although if it's been a particularly bad night, if you bug your husband enough in the morning he will sometimes let you sleep for an extra hour)
7 am - breakfast for everyone, get everyone dressed and ready for the day
8 am - if its a school day, walk 3 kids 500m to the bus stop, if not then try to get a bit of house work done
9:15 am - husband leaves for work (returns around 10 pm), finish cleaning up the kitchen, get the baby down for a nap
9:45 am - get the older two kids set up doing some activities
10 am - work for/participate in the show, or work on my business, answer emails, pay bills, laundry - whatever needs doing.
10:40 am - baby's up, do something with the kids - like a walk to the park or library
12 pm - lunch and clean up
1 pm - nap time
1:15 pm - work on my business, sweep floors and prep supper
2:30 pm - kids are up, snack time
3 pm - play games and work on school stuff with the kids
4 pm - start cooking supper
5ish pm - eat
6 pm - start clean up of supper, and start bedtime routine for the kids (bath, books, bed)
7:15 pm - bedtime
7:30 pm - finish supper dishes, more laundry
8 pm - work on my business and finding more freelance jobs.
11 pm - my bedtime

And heaven forbid if I don't bake every couple of days!
Can someone please point out to me where I'm wasting time?!

While doing all of this.... you don't get to eat in peace... hell, you can't even go pee in peace! Everything you do, you're doing with kids pulling on you, interrupting you, fighting with each other, asking you 1 million questions. I love my kids more than anything in this world, but some days you'd like to have a minute to yourself so you could pee in peace! You don't have a second to think of what YOU want to do for YOURSELF. Because on your "to do" list you come DEAD LAST.

All of this, and then someone who is suppose to support you and back you up, tells you "if you don't have time now, then how do you expect to do anything else? Maybe you shouldn't be doing this. ("this" being my freelance work). Also said in the conversation, "fine, I won't help you or ask you about it again."

THANKS. So what your saying is that all the work I've put into my business has been a waste of time, and I never should have bothered. Not to mention that you really don't support me going forward, and you think I should just quit and move on.

THANKS for your negativity. As someone who's always struggled with self confidence, you ALMOST make me believe that I should just quit.

THANKS for not backing me up and saying "I know things are difficult right now, but I'm here to help you whenever you need it."

THANKS for thinking that you're the only one who cares about my freelance jobs - as though they mean nothing to me, I don't actually want them, and I'm not working my ass of to get them.

THANKS for not putting me at the top of your important list - so that maybe you can ASK me if I need help with something and not just TELL me what YOU think I need to do.

THANKS for showing me that I put too much importance on your opinion of me. I won't do that anymore, so now I have more free time to do what I love to do - design and take care of my children. I will no longer worry about what you think of what I do, I won't worry about trying to make you happy. Now I see that there's really no point in wasting my time with that, as you're not going to change your views of me anyway.

And most of all, THANKS for showing me that if I want this (AND I DO) that I'm going to have to make it on my own. AND I WILL.

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